


Bad Habits

by BadLiar



Category: Nancy Drew (Video Games)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:15:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23524453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadLiar/pseuds/BadLiar
Summary: Recently released from prison, Anja Mittelmeier sets her sights on revenge and begrudgingly teams up with Dwayne Powers. However, their plan goes astray when it turns out that most people aren't willing to stake their freedom on a failed actor.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 7





	Bad Habits

**Anja Mittelmeier (Charges: Attempted murder, monstrous crime)**

_“Auf wiedersehen, Nancy. You do know what that means, don’t you? It means until we meet again.”_

Anja had spent much of her prison sentence thinking of revenge plots, from the mundane to the impossibly outlandish. All those years, all that time spent in rehabilitation classes, they just made her angrier and more than ready to finally deal with Nancy Drew and Anja’s own no-good ex-boyfriend Markus. 

All that said, when release day came, she didn’t have an exact idea of what to do.

Thankfully, someone else did. 

However, that somebody was failed actor and disgraced talent agent Dwayne Powers.

Anja had learned of Dwayne’s encounter with Nancy while doing research during her limited computer time. The incident on the Light of Our Love set was fascinating to Anja - Dwayne's dramatic flair was certainly interesting and he had come very close to dealing with Rick Arlen, which gave him some legitimacy in her eyes. 

The downside to working with Dwayne was that Dwayne Powers had been in a downward spiral for years.

“Anja, are you listening to me?”

She resumed her focus on Dwayne’s ranting. He stood in front of a stolen whiteboard, a dozen names scrawled across it in a variety of different colours. Dwayne had explained that the colours represented the “expected” participation he anticipated based on his own “calculations.” Some names had been discounted and erased already, although you could still see the remnants of the ink upon closer inspection.

“Of course I’m listening, _Dummkopf_ ,” Anja responded, almost in a song-like tone. Weeks with Dwayne had worn her patience, but he was her best chance for payback, so she stuck to insulting him in German. 

“Anyway, as I was saying, my calculations show that we have ten potential candidates for our revenge. I’ve discounted others for various reasons, including their continued detainment, health issues stemming from an incident with a chandelier, and being a minor. We’ll be reaching out to these ten, five each. Got it?” 

“ _Ja_ , Dwayne.”

\---

**Shorty Thurmond (Charges: Attempted murder x 2, destruction of property, being way too picky about vegetables)**

The first target of Dwayne’s master plan for revenge was the ex-cook of the infamous Shadow Ranch. Shorty Thurmond now resided in New Orleans’ French Quarter, cooking in a food truck selling seafood gumbo, jambalaya, and crawfish.

_All served way too hot_ , Dwayne thought as he gulped down water to calm the fire in his mouth. He was perched at a nearby table, waiting for Shorty to show up for his shift.

The portly man arrived ten minutes early. As he approached the truck, Dwayne made his move, getting up from the table and walking towards the man.

Shorty noticed him as he approached. “Hi there, I’m Shorty Thurmond, the cook!” he said, extending his hand for a handshake. The man now sported a moustache, vaguely concealing his distinctive face.

Dwayne didn’t reciprocate. _There’s no time for that._ “I’m-,” he leaned in and whispered, “Dwayne Powers.”

Shorty responded in a hushed tone. “Uh, okay?”

“I’m here to ask you about the Nancy Drew problem,” Dwayne said, exasperation dripping in his voice. 

“Nancy Drew? That’s a name I haven’t heard in a long time.”

“You don’t think about her daily? How she prevented you from achieving greater things, and instead you’re here?” Dwayne said incredulously, waving his hands around. 

“Nah. After my cookbook, _Cooking With A Repeat Felon_ , became a bestseller, I’ve decided to lay low and live out my days in peace and quiet. Well, I guess just peace, since New Orleans is never quiet. Fun fact, this moustache isn’t even real.”

“So, you won’t help me and the team I’m gathering get revenge on the Drew girl?”

“No siree.”

“Well, isn’t that just great,” Dwayne said as he stormed off. Passing his table, he flipped the remainder of his gumbo onto the ground.

\---

**Minette, Paris (Charges: Assistant to treason, crimes of fashion)**

Anja could hear the screaming from down the hall.

Ten seconds of pure, unadulterated rage.

Then came the crying. Six seconds of that.

Finally, four seconds of the most forced laughter Anja had ever heard.

Anja hesitated. She doubted the necessity of recruiting this person, but she would go along if it meant revenge on Nancy and Markus. She knocked on the door.

It took a minute, possibly two, for the fashion designer to answer the door. She had called out several times, yelling excuses and that she would be there soon as banging marked objects being knocked onto the floor. Anja could imagine the cartoon-like situation.

Finally, a pretty woman with red hair answered the door, dressed in an eccentric outfit. Most notably, a little green alien was painted on her left cheek.

“Hello, Anja Mittelmeier, I presume?”

“ _Ja_.”

“Come in, come in!” Minette said, pointing at a set of chairs around a table in the room.

The room was certainly cluttered, filled with drawings of fashion designs and assorted junk, none of which would fit well together even in a clean space. 

Anja took a seat as Minette poured them tea and brought the two cups over.

“ _Danke_. What kind is it?” 

“It’s a unique blend that I made myself. It helps with my stress,” Minette explained as she blew on her cup to cool the boiling tea down.

“Ah. Are you very stressed?”

Minette sighed. “I’ve attempted seven different comebacks since I was released. None of them have worked. That’s how I ended up here,” she said as she gestured around at the room. “A small art gallery artist in residence. I was all anyone could talk about back then and here I am now.”

“All because of that _Erbenzählerin_ Nancy Drew.”

“No. I was stupid, I can’t believe I did….what I did. I could have created an international crisis! I deserve this. But I can recover, make a comeback!” Minette said as she stood up, her cape adding a dramatic flourish to her action. “I just have to keep slaving away in this hovel until I can return to my former glory!”

Anja raised her eyebrows. “Uh, okay.”

\---

**Andy Jason, somewhere on the Seven Seas (Charges: Smuggling, attempted murder)**

It took a long time to find Mr. Andy Jason, owing to his new profession as an international pirate.

Yes, pirate. Turns out there’s not a lot of job prospects for someone with so many smuggling felonies. 

After locating the former museum owner, Dwayne had to navigate hostile waters and risked being held for ransom. _I’m worth a pretty penny, after all. Certainly more than a wooden nickel._

After being granted an audience with the pirate captain, he explained his plan. Andy watched with intense curiosity from his seat. There was none of the affable personality Dwayne had read about from the citizens of Deception Island.

“And then, our revenge on Nancy Drew will be complete!” 

Andy thought for a moment before responding. “Your revenge will be complete. I have no time for such nonsense.”

“Ex-excuse me?” Dwayne blinked several times, hopelessly confused.

“My career has really taken off since the whole Nancy Drew thing. I’m a legend now! I have more warrants than some high-level hitmen. Imagine that.”

“So...you don’t want to join in on the revenge scheme?”

“No. Get out of my sight before I sell you to the highest bidder.”

\---

**Helena Berg, London (Charges: Running an entire crime ring)**

“We have a lot in common, Anja.”

“That we do, Miss Berg.”

“Please, call me Helena,” the well-dressed woman said as she set down two glasses of cucumber water on the glass coffee table. She took her seat across from Anja. “So, tell me about this idea of yours?”

“Well, I’m sure you remember _Fräulein_ Drew?” 

“ _Ja_. She changed my life.”

“ _Bitte_?” 

“Well, after Miss Drew exposed my crime ring, I was able to write an entire book while in prison about my experiences, which, as I’m sure you know, became a best-seller and the joy of book clubs run by middle-aged women who never got to have such an exciting life.” She leaned in close and whispered, “Don’t tell anyone, but the government sometimes contacts me to help with other crime rings.” She rubbed her fingers together in the international sign of moolah.

Anja was growing exasperated. She left with nothing to show for her efforts, again.

**\---**

**Big Island Mike (Charges: Shenanigans)**

Mike Mapu certainly lived up to his reputation. He’s overbearing yet still affable with a flair for dramatic declarations. 

Needless to say, Dwayne had found a kindred spirit.

Big Island Mike still ran his “Immersion Excursion” on the Big Island. Dwayne had barged in to discuss his plan, cutting off Mike’s introductory speech.

“I’m not interested.”

“You’re - what?” Dwayne narrowed his eyes.

“Not. Interested.”

“But why?” he whined.

Mike shrugged. “I’m happy here. In exchange for leaving me alone, I won’t report you to the authorities.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

Mike stepped out from behind the counter. “Oh, I wouldn’t?” He dwarfed Dwayne.

“You’ll regret this!” Dwayne yelled as he made to leave the store.

“I’m sure I won’t.”

Dwayne slammed the door.

\---

**Emily Griffin (Charges: Shenanigans involving animals, harassment, attempted murder)**

Anja was quite pleased to hear that Emily Griffin herself had agreed to meet with her. Emily had turned to independently publishing mystery romance novels, in which the charming female protagonists always defeated the deceptive competition and got the object of her desires - and, usually, a large stash of gold. Anja had become a fan during her time in prison.

Emily was quite friendly and made Anja feel at home as they chatted about writing and men. However, it soon came time to discuss Nancy Drew.

“Oh, I’m going to have to decline. It isn’t going to work.”

“Excuse me?”

“Honey, I write mystery novels for a living! Let me break this down for you,” Emily said as she grabbed a piece of paper and began to break down the plan.

Anja took a deep breath. She couldn’t argue, but she was in too deep.

“Come with me. Join us. You can fix the plan! We can do this,” Anja said as she reached out to Emily, grabbing her hand. She knew she was begging, but it no longer mattered.

“I’m not risking another prison stay on account of whatever fool you’re working with. Sorry.”

\---

**Thanos Ganas (Charges: n/a, escaped prosecution)**

Dwayne felt truly scared while in the presence of Thanos Ganas, a high-ranking member of the Greek mafia. The gruff man had moved up in the ranks of Kronos since the attempted art heist at the Phidias Cultural Center.

The failed actor considered running away, to try dashing past the guards and escaping back to safety. However, he planted his feet in front of the mafia member. His plan would succeed whether the other fools liked it or not.

Thanos flicked a coin between his fingers as Dwayne outlined his plans. _He looks like he’s actually thinking of joining_ , Dwayne thought, full of hope. What a boon it would be to have a member of the Greek mafia involved. 

As Dwayne finished, Thanos set the coin down.

“No.”

Dwayne was taken aback but didn’t say anything, as much as he wanted to. He needs to be alive to get revenge.

Thanos continued, breaking through the racing thoughts in Dwayne’s mind. “Your plan won’t work. Besides, I have other plans for the girl.”

“Oh, can I join in on your plan?”

Thanos chuckled, low and deep and, most of all, scary. “Absolutely not. Get out of my sight.”

Dwayne was dismissed and dumped elsewhere unceremoniously. It didn't matter. He would have his revenge one way or another.

\---

**Lisa Ostrum (Charges: Forgery, theft, attempted murder, assault)**

Lisa Ostrum turned out to be the friendliest of all the suspects that Anja would be meeting with. She had responded promptly to contact, inviting Anja into her house and serving delicious cocktails. The two now sat on a couch in a well-designed living room, sharing their lives. Anja hadn’t even approached The Plan yet. 

“So, why did you reach out to me?”

“There’s a plan to get revenge on Nancy Drew.”

“Count me in.”

“You haven’t even heard the plan,” Anja replied calmly.

“I don’t need to. Do you know what I do now? I write top ten lists as a freelance writer. I’m a journalist! Just because I committed a few crimes doesn’t mean I deserve that! Damn that Nancy Drew!”

1-3 with one to go wasn’t that best score, but it would have to do.

\---

**Rentaro Aihara, Kyoto (Charges: Attempted murder, gaslighting, haunting shenanigans)**

Dwayne was not expecting Rentaro to be so socially awkward. Sure, Dwayne was aware of his numerous awards in robotics and had made assumptions, but this kid was something else. 

“Nancy ruined my chance to free Miwako from the ryokan! She’s still there, you know. I know she’s not happy, forced to be there by her sister and grandmother.”

This continued for some time. Even with the dramatics, Dwayne found himself getting bored.

However, Dwayne became significantly more invested when Rentaro began outlining his plans for a robot that could destroy Nancy Drew. Smarter than her, quicker than her, certainly more stylish than her. Yeah, this kid could definitely be the key to unlocking the end of Nancy Drew.

\---

**Lori Girard (Charges: attempted murder, train shenanigans)**

Despite her encounter with Nancy Drew, Lori Girard had recovered. Not her image, mind you, but absolutely her money. Her parents rarely enforced her punishments for long.

Anja could understand why she ended up how she did. Still, the socialite was one of Anja’s last chances at garnering help for the plan.

They sat in the luxury penthouse Lori lived in, alone but frequently attended to by maids and food delivery workers. Lori had ordered a large dinner and several bottles of champagne for the occasion, having heard of Anja’s triste with Nancy Drew.

“So, like, is it true that you threw Francy in a German dungeon?”

“Well, Nancy, but, yes, I did. Of course, she escaped, but, with Dwayne’s plan and the combined effort of all of us, we can finally leave her in a pit.”

Lori bit down on a piece of calamari. “Y’know, I’m not very interested in doing any more work. I’m happy just doing what I do.”

“What _do_ you do?”

“I’m sure you heard my hit song ‘Comet,’ about my experience with Hurley’s Comet? Or perhaps my heart-wrenching ballad ‘Tino’? I think I’m a pretty good singer! My music career gives people reason to invite me to fancy events and every fashion designer wants me in their nicest dresses.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Anyway, I won’t be lifting a pinkie for your plan,” she said before taking a long sip of champagne. Anja went to speak, but Lori continued, “What I will do is provide funding. Anything you need, call me.”

Anja smiled. _There’s hope for this plan after all_.

\---

**Dwayne Powers (Charges: Harassment, attempted murder, attempted bombing, kidnapping, use of blackface)**

Two additional suspects to help, in addition to a financier for the plan, wasn’t a bad deal, although certainly not as good as Dwayne had hoped for. 

Dwayne, Anja, Lisa, and Rentaro sat around the table in his warehouse, working out kinks in the plan. They could set it into motion within the month and take Nancy, her boyfriend, and her two friends out in one swoop. Genius, as to be expected from someone with Dwayne’s IQ. 

At first, Dwayne ignored the thumping outside. The warehouse stood in an industrial area, certainly not immune to noises even late at night. He ignored the looks from his accomplices as their eyes darted from him to the source of the sounds.

Suddenly, the door to the warehouse burst open. In walked a near-army of police officers - 

And Nancy Drew. 

Dwayne went in to attack. Suddenly, he felt a tingling sensation, a burning sensation emitting from his chest area. He could no longer move and fell to the ground. His eyes closed as he lost consciousness.

When he awoke, he was handcuffed to a hospital bed. In the corner, almost out of sight, was the titian-haired detective herself.

“It’s over, Dwayne.”

“It will never be over!”

“Anja Mittelmeier told the police everything about your plan. You’ll be going away for a long time on conspiracy charges and everything you did at Dread Isle.”

Dwayne shook at his handcuffs, straining his wrists. All the effort proved futile, just like his plan. “How did you find out?”

“Seriously? You and Anja were travelling around the world, visiting multiple people I’ve put away. I was watching and two agencies also alerted me. You might think everyone is beneath you, but, in reality, you overestimate yourself.” 

Dwayne sighed. He would get out of this. _I always have._

Nancy began to leave. At the door, she turned around and said, “Goodbye Dwayne. I hope you learned your lesson this time.”

**Author's Note:**

> Heavily inspired by Episode 119 of the Krolmeister Sisters podcast: "Villains, Where Are They Now?" Big thanks to Rissa and Ariana!


End file.
